“We come into this world by way of the Goddess, the Female, Woman, Feminine Divine, Life Bringer of All. But we soon forget the Glory of the Kingdom due to parental and societal conditioning. Through my own research and observation of children over the years, because I Love the babies (smile), I have come to realize and believe that up to a certain age, children know and remember more than they have been given credit for in previous years. With clear vision, you can look into the eyes of any infant and see their spirit, and the wisdom, wonderment and knowledge that it contains, although they are unable to communicate it verbally. A most impressionable time of life, it is. This is as close to God and the Higher Forces that we will be in our early lives, as we slowly gravitate away from that holiness and purity as life endures.
For most of us, societal conditioning starts when we enter the school system, and our memories of previous lives and the invisible world begins to fade, as the “system” is prepared and ready to teach us how and what to think and believe. Their truths, the truths of society, of the government, of the “system”, which is supposed to be for our betterment in this world. Most of those things I believed as a kid, as did the majority of us. I mean, who wouldn’t or couldn’t since it was all reinforced in most aspects of our world, through propaganda and programming all around, used to manipulate the masses into cooperating with their agendas, knowingly or not, for the betterment of the “shitstem”. All that I can remember seeing in the news when I was growing up were wars, murders, and “politricks”; media maneuvers used to instill fear into the minds and hearts of the masses, so that they become dependent, sympathetic and submissive to those agendas, thereby creating a certain amount of control. But many still think that they are “FREE”. The vibrations of fear are unstable and therefore easily “manipulatable”, and the “forces” at the controls are unseen.
“The Lord shall smite thee with madness, and blindness, and astonishment of heart: And thou shalt grope at noonday, as the blind gropeth in darkness, and thou shalt not prosper in thy ways: and thou shalt be only oppressed and spoiled evermore, and no man shall save thee. Thou shalt betroth a wife, and another man shall lie with her: thou shalt build a house, and thou shalt not dwell therein: thou shalt plant a vineyard, and shalt not gather the grapes thereof.” (Deuteronomy 28:28-30 KJV)
Although there were many people awakened to ancient and cosmic truths during those times, the time had not yet come for the massive awakening that we are experiencing in present times, due to cosmic and cyclical changes in the Universe, the Shift; and as above, so below. Many people have come to this physical reality at this time to aid in the transition of this Grand Awakening. Most of them are just now coming into their remembrance. Although there is no timetable to one’s awakening, most people begin to view life from a more “spiritual” perspective once they enter their forties in age, some later.
Understand, agreements were made by each soul prior to entering this life, based on what had to be learned or what had to be done, as we all have an individual purpose to our existence. There is a job to do, not only on an individual level, but collectively, in order to redirect mankind back to the truth of the Spirit and Pulse of God, that dwell within us all, and the power behind that force, for the betterment of Humanity. Now that many of us have awakened we must reach for the Light to find our way back to the Truth, Morality, Integrity, and Love, that we originated from. We must honor ourselves by living in our Truth. We do this by searching within ourselves to confront the things that are a habitual grievance to our spirit. Anything or any situation that worries, stresses, or lowers your vibration is not good for the well-being of your physical, mental, or spiritual bodies. Most people experience these stresses but are fearful of confronting them, for whatever reason. I will discuss my own experiences, for those are what I know best.
At my lowest I found that there were demons to confront and obstacles to overcome, but my prolonging the journey within myself, out of denial, I guess, only led to unnecessary destruction and pain in my life. When we are not truthful with ourselves, then, we at that point, don’t know ourselves. Which means other people can “see” us better than we can see ourselves. We are vulnerable and open at that point, easy to manipulate; out of control to a degree, moving from one unfinished thing to the next, wondering why and wandering about. Drinking, partying, and doing some of the “crazy ass” things I have done in my life was my “untruth”. I say this because every time I did those things, I felt “some type of way”, a guilty conscience, chastisement of the Spirit.
Well, all of the stuff that I have been through, going through the dark night of my soul, there were a lot of things that took place within my Spirit that I didn’t recognize at that time. An example for me would be the need for the terminating of associations with a lot of the same negative minded people. I felt a necessity, that there was something within me that needed to disconnect from the things that I had been previously doing. I stopped hanging around those people, I disassociated myself with those negative environments, the same places I used to go. I didn’t know what was going on because I felt like I wanted to hang out, I wanted to do those things that I had always done, but my Spirit just wouldn’t let me. There were two sides to the story, my physical body wanted to hang out and do the things I used to do, but my Spirit wasn’t willing. And that concerned me a little bit, because I’m wondering, “Well damn, what is going on with me?”
But, at the same time, while I was doing those things, a part of me knew that eventually it would stop. You know, sometimes I would be in the clubs, or the spots where I rolled, dancing and having a good time, talking, laughing, shooting the shit; but somewhere within me I was praying. There were feelings of guilt and shame for drinking, as if it was wrong for me to be doing it, for whatever reason, even the times when I hadn’t done anything “crazy”. There would be times when I would be out partying or in the clubs dancing, drink in my hand, talking to God. I would often say, “God, now you know I don’t want to be here; why do I continue to come back? I know the only reason that I am here is out of habit, and I wish you would please just take it away from me. God, please, just take it away; I’m tired of this.“
Then of course, I would vow not to do it again, to no avail. And in the process of me saying that, I was still grinning, still praying within. I still had a drink in my hand; still dancing, still doing the same shit, laughing and everything. Nobody ever knew. They never knew until I stopped going and started telling people that was what I used to do. But I always had a sadness as well, knowing that all of the fun that I thought I was having, all of the people that I thought I was close to, would one day end. Everyone will go their own separate ways, and it’s all going to end. It was just a sadness that came over me, whenever I thought of those things; separation anxiety, maybe.
After reflection, I realized that it was God, preparing me to be set apart. And, when I say, “set apart”, I mean sanctified, but not to the degree that I am more elevated or better than anyone else, but to the degree where I had to be removed from a lot of the situations that I allowed myself to be in, a lot of the people that I allowed myself to be around, and a lot of the things that I was doing. I had to be set apart from those things so that God could deal with me, in a way that only God could; a way that no one else could. I didn’t know what was going on. So, all of that was a part of the dark night of my soul, when I was going through.
I had no desire to hang out anymore, or no desire to have, what I used to think, was fun. I had no sexual desire; none. And, for a minute I attributed that to all of the things that I was going through at that time. You know, the sickness that I was going through, the frustrations that I was going through, the stress, just everything. Everybody just started seeming the same to me. Females as well as guys, everybody just started appearing to me as the “same”, doing the same things, thinking the same things, acting and reacting in the same ways. I don’t know; but after I ended that relationship, I didn’t want anybody else. It wasn’t because I was longing for the past, or anything like that; It was just that I had no desire to be with anybody else. Eventually I noticed myself drinking more than necessary, not just socially. But it was somewhat the “norm” in the environment that I was in and with the people I associated myself with. I guess that was one of my “justifications” to make myself feel better. But I was not honoring my “truth”. My Spirit was grieving at that time about the way I was living and some of the things I was doing. But, of course, I refused to acknowledge my Spirit’s warnings and made attempts to suppress the “calling” with alcohol and other distractions.
As I reflect, at this point in my life, it was straight disobedience to my Spirit and to God. All jokes aside! In my arrogance and ignorance, I was straight disobedient to the One God, The Unified Spirit, the Pulse of all Life that dwells within us all. I made those choices on my own accord, with the knowledge that I had at that time, to ignore my “calling”, and prolong my suffering! I knew I needed solitude because I like to do that in between relationships, when I was having them, you know, to have a moment to myself. But then, however, when I was ready to get back out there, I couldn’t. It was like I wanted to go out and meet people, hang out and get involved again or meet somebody else, but my Spirit wouldn’t allow it. It wasn’t time; It just wasn’t time. I started getting worried then, like “Lord, God, I’ll never be able to have a man now if I don’t even have the desire to be intimate.” You know, I wasn’t even thinking on that level, sexually, I just didn’t care. I was indifferent. Although my physical body wanted to do it, my Spirit just kept saying no. It just kept saying no, Win, no! But I didn’t realize at the time that it was God who was setting me apart, allowing me time to get that “serpent”, under control.
“The serpent but represents a wrong use of the Solar Energy from the Great Central Sun within mankind. This Solar Energy is a most dynamic power and is always active.” (Saint Germain)
That self-control would play a major role in my present life. To realize the full potential that exists within everyone, you must have control over your mind and body and energy. This is extremely significant! For your sexuality, and the control thereof, is the narrow gateway to the Heavenly Kingdom that exists within each of us. Self-control, within and without, is Life, and one of the major keys to immortality and to the Kingdom. If you can control the “serpent” (Solar Energy), and direct it towards the good, and you MUST master it, you hold the key to the Kingdom.
A lot of people can’t control it in this day and time, you know, it is 2016, the 21st Century where just about anything goes. And if you think about it, everything is saturated with sexuality, everything. I don’t know if that’s because, the ‘forces that be’, know that that’s the only way to keep people distracted, detached, and impure enough to be able to access that gateway and become knowledgeable of all the power that exists within; but it certainly wouldn’t benefit those ‘forces’ if the masses knew the truth. But that’s one of the major keys right there, and it must be mastered, we must learn to control that serpent, that unbridled, yet sacred energy, within each of us. Think about it, it’s like what I was speaking about previously on having sex with different partners. Sexuality and making love are intimate and spiritual things. You know, they are connections to God. Think about it! Every time you have sex, and it gets good to you, one of the first thoughts or things you say is, “Oh God…”!
Indeed, a whole bunch of things go on within, when a man and a woman are in love, and they make love to each other. It’s a lot of things that go on spiritually that people don’t even really think about, because they are not thinking in the Spirit when they are having “sex”. When you are in lust you are just having sex for the physical pleasure, or whatever. But, to make love is a very sacred thing for a man and a woman to do. You don’t realize all of the spiritual things that go on during the process; not just within you, but within the Heavenly Realm, with the spiritual Forces, and the Universe.
So, God had to set me apart to keep me from doing those things because I would not have been allowed the keys to the Kingdom had I kept doing them. I would not have been pure enough. You know, I had to be set apart. So, when I say, “I got a lot at stake, spiritually, that keeps me from doing a lot of the things I used to do”, that’s one of those things. So, no, I’m not going to go out there and do like I used to do. I mean, I see a lot of good-looking guys, hell yeah! I see a whole bunch of fine-looking guys. I won’t say that I would love to get with any of them, but, I LOOK, I think about it, I fantasize; only briefly though, since I know nothing would come of it. Yeah, I look and still have a desire. I again have the desire, because it was gone for a few years; it’s back!!! Now, however, I can think about it and let it go. I don’t have to hold on to it until I force myself into trying to go out and satisfy this lustful yearning that my physical body may crave; because now my Spirit is in control. And that, I love. The serpent is under control; and the fire is contained!
Now, I’m not saying that I can’t get “down”, or that I didn’t want to do that, because I wanted to do that! However, I now know the sacredness of it all, and I know the risks that I take in doing these things with just anybody, if he is not a godsend. And my Spirit is not going to allow me to do those things now, and I’m thankful for that, because I was always a highly sexual person, even as a child. You know, sometimes unfortunate things happen to many of us early in life, and I am no exception; and some questions for me will never be answered, and that’s okay; for the Spirit Of the Living God has helped me to understand those unfortunate experiences and lessons; to heal; and to push on, a lil’ further, in this lifetime. And the Spirit of the Living God is my Lifeline!
As I got older, I started seeing things and being around things, and I was beginning to understand, although from a youngster’s perspective. My mom always had this saying when we became teenagers and started having our periods and stuff, “Y’all better not bring no babies in this house! You can have a boyfriend if you want to, but you better not do this, that, or the other.” Now, that was always in the back of my head, that thought, that fear. So that, for a minute, not for long, but for a brief moment kept me from having sex or acting on those desires. But, at some point, as I got older the feelings got stronger. Like I said, I had been having those feelings since I was a kid, so of course as I got older, they began to peak. I didn’t know, my “serpent” was not under control then. So, nah, I couldn’t control it. I had to pull back and figure out on my own what it was all about. And it didn’t take long. It didn’t take long because in the back of my mind, no matter what I was doing, I always had that fear of “bringing home a baby” or getting pregnant. And then, you know, out of fear, it happened. Me not knowing how to control my thoughts or how to control the serpent, out of fear, it happened. But that was an experience that I had to go through as a part of my destiny, birthing a baby at fifteen years of age. I had to go through that and almost losing my life in the process. But, you know, it didn’t turn out as bad as I thought. My baby and I survived, and life went on as usual. I also had lots of help from my mom and my sister. So, life was okay, and I was able to finish school.
“The soul answered and said, what binds me has been slain, and what turns me about has been overcome, and my desire has been ended, and ignorance has died.” (The Gospel of Mary 8:21-22)
We must honor ourselves by living with a better standard of grace and morality. When we look at morality in this country, or the world in general, even with me having not been the most moral person at times, in my life, I have to say that we are in a perilous place right now as far as our souls, humanity, and our children are concerned. I mean, in what state will we leave the world when we depart? When we look around at the blatant immorality that’s pushed and impressed upon children, and people as a whole. Just looking at T.V. every night is a journey through the wilderness of dark and iniquitous programming, on T.V. and on our minds. They show some revolting entertainment, regardless of the time of day. I guess enough people like it, so it continues.
Sex and crime are everywhere, on television shows, commercials, cartoons; same sex partners or heterosexual, it doesn’t matter; crime television that shows, pretty much, how to get away with murder. Then, there are always people broadcasting their personal issues publicly, before the whole world, with no resolutions. So, I ask why, for entertainment or entrainment? Let’s not even talk about the blatant immorality headed for the presidency. There is a time and a season for everything, I suppose. But, how low can we go? How is any of these things possibly helping our children, or raising the vibrational level of mankind when we continuously watch programs of these natures, sex, murder, violence; not to mention the news programming which is designed to be delivered to the masses with the intent of keeping our vibrational levels in a state of fear. This is nothing new. Mass media control has been going on since the invention of television. Once these negative things are impressed upon our minds, especially that of children, repetitively, it becomes a part of our psyche. And before we realize it, we are using the same terms, believing words that we have not investigated ourselves, jumping on the bandwagon of every trend, phrase, or new-fangled show that will keep us distracted from what’s really going on, starting with ourselves.
It’s hard to just stop watching T.V. for some, I know; it was for me. But when I got tired of watching the same things and was able to predict the ending of shows and knew how the cliff hangers would be set up, it became a waste of time, it became boring. The news was the last for me to go. But I noticed how most of the stories were fear based. I never understood how the newscasters could tell a sad story, then five seconds later be laughing about the next story. What is that? That right there, shows insincerity. But it’s the job I suppose, the nature of the game. Turn it off, or keep doing the same thing, getting the same results.
No matter what the circumstances, we all have an idea of right and wrong, and we are confronted with making these choices each and every day. True indeed, not everyone has the same ideas of “right” and “wrong”, and that is all based on belief systems, programming, and conditioning done in early life. But, eventually in life we come into our own ways of thinking based on our experiences and associations; situations and people that affect our views and perceptions of our own realities. Both exude energetic vibrations, good or bad, high or low, depending on the situation or person. And only you can determine what is right or wrong for you, and you do that by feeling. Innate feelings come from within your Queendom or Kingdom, where your Higher Self resides and the Spirit of God rules, so learn to look within, silently listen, and trust your feelings. Because in the end, only you will be confronted about your choices in your life. Hurt people hurt people is true. When we are unaware of our spiritual state, we are truly left vulnerable to darker energies and forces. Our auric, energetic, conscious, sub-conscious, hearts and minds are all left open to manipulation by seen and unseen activities. To be in an atmosphere where there is violence, a person who is not conscious enough to assess the situation, will fall right into the milieu.
And sometimes when you may feel like you are doing the right thing, it can become the wrong thing due to the energy in the air. It’s no way around it, the energy that you allow yourself to be around, that you feed into, will affect you, if you are not mindful. For example, there have been many a times when I had been hanging out and shit got “real”. And in a few of those situations I could’ve walked away but didn’t. My inner self would say, “Just walk away Win…just walk away!” But my ego would say “This bitch is trying to play you, or this mf is being too disrespectful!” I was juiced up, but my vibration was down, unstable. There was a time I was at a “spot” having drinks. As usual, I don’t bother anyone unless they bother with me. And even then, I will ask them to, “go head on with that shit”, first.
But this one time I was talking to a group of guys that I knew. This one fellow was horning in and saying slick shit, I guess because I wasn’t conversating with him. However, I knew of him, but didn’t know him and didn’t really have anything to talk with him about. So, he said something “ignorant”, and I ignored him. He said something “ignorant” again, and I said, “Excuse me, I wasn’t talking to you.” Now, I could have walked away then, but that alcohol was juicing me up. He said, “shut the fuck up.” I said, politely, but with straight eye contact, “you shut the fuck up”! This was a “gigantic” dude. He pushed his chair back to get up and said, “Bitch, I said shut the fuck up before I take you on the side of the house…” and do some things to me. I could have walked away then. The right thing to do, maybe, but my vibration was down, no GRACE, no LOVE at that moment. He stood up. So, I said “What, are you gonna hit me now?” I was “ignant”! But before I knew it, I had hit him before he could hit me and cut his eye. Lorrrrd, they were holding him; and I was screaming, “let him go”! Baseball bats came out, guns were shown. It was ugly, but I got caught up in the energies and vibrations that I was around at that time. Because I didn’t have the awareness and sense to walk away, shit got ugly. But people knew the situation, and the chaos settled enough for me to get in the Mazda, still talkin’ shit, and put dust in the wind.
Now, I looked at that situation as though I was right, and had a right to defend myself, and that he was wrong for coming at me in the way that he did. As I reflect at this time, I would say the right thing to do in the eyes of many would have been to walk away; to avoid the escalation. But in my eyes, even now, the right thing for me was to speak up for myself, as well as defend myself, if I view it from the state that my vibration was in at the time. Every situation that I have encountered in my life has been for a reason and a purpose. In that, and many of the other situations along the way, was the opportunity for me to learn my strength and weaknesses, within and without, where I may not have known them before. Out of the darkness comes the light. I felt more wrong for the drinking rather than the altercation, because I knew had I not been drinking, I would not have allowed myself to be put in that position, or environment, in the first place.
“The Lord will keep you from all harm. He will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going, both now and forevermore. (Psalm 121:7-8 NLT)”
The Mark of God: Conversations with Win, 2016-2017
The Mark Of God: Understanding Your "I AM Presence" 