“I never could have imagined this sheer feeling of joy. What is joy? You know, what is joy? Fuckin joy! At one time I would’ve said that I have never experienced it. But joy to me, is just being happy with life, without anything, or nothing, and still be content with yourself. Knowing that, no matter what, God got you! It doesn’t matter what you have; it doesn’t matter what you think you’re going to get; it doesn’t matter where you came from, to know that God is there for you. To know that you are in tune with nature, in tune with the universe, in tune with the Love of God; in tune with the stars, the invisible world; all of everything; now, that’s joy!
Do you know how long it takes for some to reach that state of loving and trusting in God to the utmost, in this materialistic physical world we experience on a daily basis? How long it takes to attain that conscious awareness of your Unity with the Highest One, and to step out, with nothing, but your faith in your Queendom or Kingdom within, and the Presence therein? For most people, it takes lifetimes to reach that at-one-ment with God. I am not saying that I am perfect, or a Buddha or anything, or just magical and shit, but this is joy right here; just sitting out here listening to the crickets. You know, when I come out here the trees welcome me, you know what I’m saying? They welcome me, I know they do. A squirrel tried to come near me this morning while I was out, but then I coughed and scared him or her, poor little squirrel! He didn’t try to talk to me, but he was looking like he wanted to.
You know, just to be tuned in to stuff like this, nature, this is joy. I don’t have to be out all dazzling and dressed up in life, this, that, and the other. I did all of that shit before, and I can do it again, don’t get it twisted, because a girl can get right when she wants to! But, you know, I have to be in a mood, and for the most part, it has to be something to really “move” me, for me to get in that mode. But I can just sit right here and feel like I went out. I can sit right here and smoke and just chill by myself and feel like I hung out all night long; like I have been somewhere in the physical, when, in actuality, I have hung out in the universal, astral, and heavenly realms. But to me, this is joy and I love it. Not too many people do, but there are some, and maybe we will cross paths one day! Nonetheless, this is my “resurrection” right here. This is my resurrection, because I was “dead”. I was dead to myself; you know what I’m saying? My spirit was gone; it was in darkness; I was death. But God revived me! I had to go through, I had to walk through it. And I’m here to tell y’all, I’m here to tell y’all about it! It’s not an easy thing, but it’s a worthy thing; if you can survive it, it is a worthy thing. It is a praiseworthy experience!
Let me just say though, for the record, that all of the hate that’s going around about me, the lies that are being told; all of it, that it doesn’t bother me. I don’t see it; I don’t go looking for what’s being said, it just doesn’t bother me. I’ve been going through this shit all my life. Now, I can’t say about when I was a ‘little’ girl; well, yeah, I can, because I used to have to fight then as well. It was always something. I guess I was the most sensitive of the crew. People always thought I was soft. Everybody always wanted to fight Win, be mean to Win. So, I have been going through it all of my life. You know, I had to fight as a child, kids fighting each other; at school; seemingly, all of my life! So, this shit right here, is nothing to me. I used to wander as a kid, right; I used to wander often in my mind as an escape. I hated school! God, I hated school, because I had to go to school and be around all of these fuckin’ different energies and kids that were just mean, and that just wasn’t me, that just wasn’t me! I may have had anxiety issues, I don’t know. But I remember as a kid, if I would be late for school, I hated to go in that classroom with the other kids already there. When everybody was all situated and sitting down doing whatever, and someone went in late, all eyes were on that person. You know, it was distracting.
I remember in the fourth grade I would stand outside in the hallway just nervous and on edge, trying to get myself together to walk in that classroom; Lord have mercy! The teacher would come out; I’ll never forget him. He would come out yelling and say, “WHAT ARE YOU STANDING OUT HERE FOR, WHAT ARE YOU STANDING OUT HERE FOR? COME IN THE CLASSROOM!” He would be so angry and shaking his head, that his “combover” would fall to his face! And I used to be like “oh God; lips quivering and shit!” Because his yelling would make it even worse since he would draw even more attention. I don’t know if he knew, or if he just didn’t care. I mean, looking back, if he was a teacher, I think he should have noticed certain issues within a child; and the school should have noticed certain issues within the teacher! But it was a different time, and I guess things were different then. He was an older white man who would often get angry at the class when he didn’t feel that we were doing our best. He sometimes spoke about marching with the Civil Rights Movement, and I think he may have been trying to help us in his own way. I don’t know, but he didn’t come back the next year. But I hated school, because kids teased me in school, I was always a loner. I used to wonder “why”? Because I wasn’t mean to anybody, I wasn’t “pickified” or anything like that. But I used to always wonder why, and it just made it so hard for me in school.
So, as I reflect now, as an adult, and I look back on things; because I do a lot of reflecting; but as I do so, I realize what it was, you know, the reason I had to go through that. It was for now, for here, for this purpose right now. Everything I’ve went through in my LIFE, was for a reason and a purpose, even though I didn’t see it at the time. Everything, from the time I was a little girl having to fight, you know, in school and stuff, all of that was to make me stronger for what I am doing right now. You know, I would’ve thought once we grew up and became adults that people would not behave so child-like anymore. But God knows! God knows, people can be terrible. And I believe, had I not gone through that as a child, in growing up, I would not be able to take it right now. But right now, as it stands, the shit just doesn’t bother me! I’m telling you, now, it just doesn’t fuckin’ bother me, I mean, not one way or the other. People can talk all that “smack” if they want to, but no one has come to me with that bullshit, so, I can’t stop them from talking, or lying.
As a matter of fact, they are only boosting me up to everybody else because now everybody else is curious, wanting to know this or know that; it’s like they are watching a reality television show or something; I don’t know, because like I said, I don’t keep up with what’s being said. The only way I know that something is being said is through intuition. Nonetheless, to me, when others react to that type of negativity, they are feeding into what’s being said, whether it’s true or not. Those things encourage that shit and that’s what the hateful ones want, attention! I mean, I don’t care. I am not saying anything about it, so why is everyone else worried about it? I’m not encouraging it; others are encouraging it by responding to or about it. I don’t care; I just don’t’ care! It doesn’t bother me because it’s irrelevant to me. Not that I am all great and above everyone else, but that shit just does not bother me! The Universal Forces lets me know that what others have to say about me, has nothing to do with me, but more to do with themselves. If it’s negativity or it’s going to make me feel some type of way, then I’m not going to be around it anyway, because I don’t like for my vibe to be down like that. I like to be happy; I like to be love; you know? I can’t allow myself to be around that anymore. It’s true, I can’t avoid it all of my life, and there are times when I have to be around it; and I can get myself together to be around it, mentally and spiritually. But, at the same time, I am not going to pick and choose to be around it if I don’t have to be around it. So, it’s not hurting my feelings, I’m not sitting home crying about that bullshit!
And if people knew the ones who initiated all of it, and many do, then they would understand completely, why I don’t care. They cannot make or break me because God is always around. And when you got God, and God got you, there isn’t a damn thing man or woman can say, there is nothing that they can do that’s going to make you fall or break you; because you are “Kept”. I mean, do ones not understand that!? God keeps me! God has always kept me! My position is secure in the Kingdom, indeed! “They” have never “had” me, nor have they ever done anything for me in the name of Love. If anything, I have done things for many of them, well above what they deserved. So, I don’t have any reason to be worried, scared, guilty; or feel bad, sad, or blue. Now, if I wasn’t into the Word and into God like I am, so faithfully; if I wasn’t into that, then, maybe I would have some fear, or maybe I would be scared, or maybe I would be confused; maybe I would be all of those things, but I am not any of those things! Don’t tell me not to worry about it, because I am not!
But there are some people out there that when others pick on them or bother them, they can’t handle it. They can’t handle it because a lot of people may have grown up in a protective environment and didn’t have to grow up in a rough one. Nevertheless, a lot of people can’t, nor should they have to take that kind of behavior. People shouldn’t be that way, but they are. Why the fuck would a person be mad at someone that they don’t even know? Seriously! Now come on; you mad at somebody that you don’t even know a damn thing about. But you see everybody else talking, so you think, “oh it must be this or it must be that”, then you jump on the bandwagon and start criticizing and condemning what or who you know nothing about.
Understand, it’s a lot of young people out there that can’t handle that kind of shit, and they’ll go out there and do something to themselves; or some of them will go out there looking for people to do something to, you know? I mean that shit just ain’t cool, it ain’t cute, it doesn’t make the perpetrator of such hateful actions look good, in any way whatsoever! What ones need to do is look within themselves and ask themselves, “Why does this person that I don’t even know or have never seen in person have this control over me? What is it about this person that’s so many hundreds of miles away, maybe even thousands away from me that I give them this much control over me and my mind?” Figure it out! Because that type of shit will make someone hurt you or make someone hurt themselves! Not to mention, you are forsaking the progress of your own Kingdom or Queendom and suppressing the God or Goddess within you! It’s just not cool when what we really need is Love. You don’t need to have hate within your own circle or your own family and friends, or your own community. You don’t need to have it at all, but definitely not in those surroundings. You got all of this war and poverty out here; Black on Black crime; cops killing people and shit, for nothing; violence and faltering minds! Then there are those who instigate wars; creating and selling weapons of mass destruction; just all kinds of shit in the world; minus Love and Compassion!
The world is already a fucked-up place, why would you want to make your own little world, your circle that grimy and fucked up? How can that make you happy? And you know you’re not happy because you wake up with hate in your heart every damn day. You know damn well you’re not happy. So, while ones think that they may be hurting me or hurting somebody else, they are really hurting themselves; only themselves! That’s who they are hurting. I give all Glory to God! And I know where my strength and comfort come from. So, they are only hurting themselves. And they need to correct themselves; check themselves, because in the end when it’s all said and done, I’m not going to be there with them. It won’t be Win’s fault! They can’t say “well she made me do it”, because Win, hasn’t done a damn thing to you, she hasn’t seen you, she knows nothing about you, not a damn thing!
Then, too, it’s not only your “everyday people” who indulge in such behavior, but they come from all walks of life within Humanity! Many tend to jump on the bandwagon of slanderers if enough people are aboard, commenting to the effect that these things must be so, since many people are saying it; or since she is not responding, then it must be true. Why respond to untruths, especially when I already know, not to mention when God already knows the Truth!!! I’m just Win; over here by myself, in the trees, in a place, all by my damn self. Not a superstar, not on television, not in competition with anyone, none of that shit; but ‘people’ will throw shade when they feel threatened or insecure, within themselves. I have never felt the need to compete! I’ll walk away first. I wouldn’t make a good athlete, because I’m just not into competition. I don’t have the desire to put pressure on myself or anyone else. To me, that takes the joy out of a thing. It has to come from the heart, whatever it is! I’m just sitting here, chillin’, telling my story. That’s what I’m doing. You know, I’m living my life, the way that I choose to live my life, not hurting a soul, not bothering anyone; just trying to find ways to do things, to do what I love and still earn a living, you know what I’m saying? One damn thing about it though, those ones won’t stop no show.
One of the reasons that I started posting the things I started posting last year was because I was just tired of seeing the same memes over and over again on social media. I often wondered, how they were really helping anyone. But they may have helped some people, including myself, at times, but it became monotonous to me. I was tired of the same old shit, and I felt that there was an opportunity to share knowledge, Real Knowledge! People can keep doing the same shit if they want to, keep talking about the same bullshit if they want to do that; but it is not getting them anywhere, and I do not have time for it. I don’t have the patience for it. Been there, done that! Too many people dancing to the “same beat”, to me. But that negativity does not bother me, although sometimes I feel as though many wanted it to. But it just doesn’t. There is nothing wrong with sympathy, when necessary, but not for that bullshit, because I am not worried about it! Do not pity me, pity the fool!
“No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment, thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is of me, saith the Lord.” (Isaiah 54:17 KJV)
We should be loving at all costs. After all, it was Love that created us. You need to check yourselves and protect your energies to ensure you are as close to Love as possible, at all times! That’s what I do when I get silent. I go within myself, and chill with myself. I enjoy my own company, I really do. Because I know what I like, you know? It doesn’t take much for me to be calm, happy, and satisfied. The day goes by fast now; you know time is going by so fast now, it doesn’t take much, especially in the little time you have within a day. I mean, I’m thinking about God all day long. All day long, that’s just what I do because I love God. Every now and again my mind will get on something else, but it’s not long before it goes right back to God. And I’m glad it’s like that, because when you think about God, when you meditate, when you dwell on that thing, that thing becomes a part of you. It becomes a part of your way of living, a part of your life. So, I don’t regret it.
I don’t have to be around a whole lot of people because I can occupy my own self with my own thoughts. And those thoughts mainly consist of God and good things, you know? Just good things. I smile a lot, I talk to myself; shit, I don’t give a damn, I’m talking to myself right now. Don’t bother me none, because like I said, I enjoy my company. There are very few people that I deal with that I really enjoy being around, like I would make the effort to go and see them, but even in that I’ll be ready to go home in a little while. But when I want to get out, I do enjoy being amongst humanity (laughs). So, yeah, I talk to myself, I talk to the Goddess, I talk to Isis. I just talk; to the creatures, to the trees, avoiding negativity. That’s what’s up; that’s what I do.
So, I’m saying that if there is no Love for oneself, then, in that person there could be no Love for God, or any Higher Force; for the Kingdom of Heaven is within thee, and there, the Spirit of God also dwells. We are one with the Spirit, and therefore, should feel obliged to Love and respect our physical and spiritual selves. Our body is our Temple, our House of God, and just as ones would honor any buildings or constructions considered sacred, such as the Vatican, Mosques, and Cathedrals, as well as ancient pyramidal structures; so, should the body, mind and soul be honored. We honor ourselves by graceful living, cleanliness, morality, integrity, truth and Love.
It is true indeed that life is no bed of roses and happiness all of the time. Shit happens! No one person was created without the capacity to make errors, for it’s in our errors and trials that we gain our life experiences. If there were never any trials or tribulations, we would not understand the differences between the darkness and the light, or the similarities, realizing that they emanate from the same Source; nor would we have the opportunity to become unified, once again, in mind, body and soul with the exalted One; not from life to death, but from death to life!
“And when they heard of the resurrection of the dead, some mocked: and others said, we will hear thee again of this matter.” (Acts 17:32 KJV)”
The Mark Of God: Conversations with Win, 2016-2017
The Mark Of God: Understanding Your "I AM Presence" 