“Again, I say God is good, and He makes His choices; and I believe those choices are based on past life experiences. I don’t believe that they’re based on something we did today, or in this one hour that we live. I believe that it’s something based on our cumulative lives, as we develop each lifetime, always striving to that Buddha Existence, the Light of God; the Highest Existence that we can reach. And it takes a lot of lifetimes. So, when you see somebody…when you see somebody, say maybe a Mother Teresa, when you see someone like that and say “I wonder how she got like that? What makes her so special?” She didn’t just get that way in this lifetime. It takes lifetimes for them to get that way. These are things that they had accumulated over the ages, and that they had to learn in order to develop their souls, the same way that we have to develop ours and have to go through experiences each lifetime, to get to that point; always striving for that Light. Always striving for the highest attainment that we can reach. And it’s not here on this Earth that we reach, achieve, or experience that highest attainment. You’re not going to experience it here, but this is where you’ll get your lessons, this is where you’ve got to learn. This is your school; this is your “training ground” right here. And if you don’t get it in this one hour of school, you’re going to have to come back and get some more that next hour. You’ll have to come on back, just like here on Earth when we don’t learn something and we keep doing the same shit over and over again, getting the same fuckin’ results.
That’s how it is with the Soul’s journey. If you don’t get it in this lifetime, you’re going to have to go somewhere else, and you’re going to have to keep on doing the same shit, keep on experiencing the same thing, until you finally see. Until you finally see! And we don’t know how long that’s going to take for us to fuckin’ see that. We can’t foresee that. But what we can do, is take the struggles that we go through, the pains that we go through, and question those feelings and pain. Try to figure it out and learn for ourselves, looking within ourselves. We can’t find the answers on the outside; We can’t find the answers in the world. I can’t give you the fuckin’ answer; shit, you can’t give me the answer. But what we can do is look within and try to be the best that we can; and watch for the signs and signals. That’s what I did. You know, you watch for the signs. I was like, “Why does this keep coming up on my YouTube page? I don’t know Bashar; I know nothing about this man. Why am I seeing this?” I had never searched for that kind of stuff; but it started popping up on my page. And God will get your attention, you know? The Unseen, the Invisible can get your attention when it is needed. If you made some promises in previous lives, just before you approached this journey, then at some point they had to get your attention to nudge you and remind you. And apparently that’s what they were doing to me because a lot of things started changing. I wondered “Why am I interested in this?” Science, I had never been interested in science; I had never been interested in physics. I always thought stuff like physics and chemistry and all that stuff was too fuckin’ hard. I didn’t even like math in school. But all of a sudden, my interests started turning to those things. When my interests faded out from clubbing, and when people started falling off, I didn’t roll in the same circles anymore. I rolled with a lot of older people, so a lot of people died off, or wasn’t doing the same things and moved on.
So, when I had nothing else to do with myself but go to work and come home, my attention started changing to science and physics, and astronomy, and aliens and things. And I was like “What the heck is going on?” I had, long before, stopped watching T.V., you know, like really sitting down and watching T.V. and stuff. But whenever a show like that would come on, it was like “I can’t talk; I can’t talk to anybody” because I was so into that moment. I don’t know what happened, but they had gotten my attention. And the strange thing about it is, I’ve never liked that kind of stuff, but I understood it. Well, not all of it, but I understood a lot of it considering I had never been into it. I would go to the library. You know when you watch a show, and they mention a book? Well, I was going to the library to get that book. I was going to go see if they had it or where I could find that book. If I had a piece of change, I was going to go online and buy that book. That’s all it took for me. Every little clip I watched, every little show I watched, every little book I read that would direct me to another one to even further what I was learning about GOD, that I never knew, I was there; I was on it. I mean I became a sponge; I was absorbing everything; everything I could think of. Everything! Nothing else excited me. It was all I wanted to do when I didn’t go to work. I never spoke to anyone about it though. Even at work, I would do the same thing, since I sat down most of the night with computers and phones.
So, every opportunity I got, I would read those books, or I would watch those clips over and over again. My coworkers may have thought I was crazy; I think they did; or maybe, it was me! I’m not going to lie; I’m not a fool. At the time I didn’t even realize I was an empath; I didn’t know what abilities I had. I didn’t know, because I wasn’t looking within, I was always looking outside of myself. Once you start looking within yourself, you’ll realize and recognize your capabilities and everything else. And it’s not hard; you just have to have the interest and you’ve got to want it! What did Jesus say? “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God.” Well, the Kingdom of God is within you! And within you, is where you’re going to find Heaven. It’s where you’re going to find your Powers, where you’re going to find Light. It’s where you’re going to find everything Jesus was telling you in the Bible. If you go back and see what He said, and then you look within yourself, you’ll see It. It’s there!
“When one becomes conscious that he has Dominion over the four elements, he has but to practice its use to become conscious that he may direct the lightning, master the storm, control the waters, and walk in the midst of fire, unharmed.” (Saint Germain)
Now, out of all the dogmas that I have come through, I was able to see it, able to find it, my “hopeless” ass. Come on; Look at God in my life now. I mean it shows in the way I express it; It’s a natural thing now, you know? I express it with my kids and my grandkids; they pick up on it. You know, I see the effect that I have on some people; well, a lot of people; and a lot of times they’re not going to tell you, but when you can see and feel it, you know. A lot of people try to fight it, but it’s okay, I can’t make you feel what you don’t want to feel. But what I can do, is make my damn ‘self’ feel, what I want to feel; and I want to feel happy; I want to be loved by God. I want to know exactly what He wants me to do because I came through too much to want to go back to that. And right now, I don’t have much. I don’t have a damn thing; some people would say “I don’t have a pot to piss in.” But what I do have, is God. What I do have, is my knowingness of my abilities and my knowledge of using them, because that’s what He gave them to us for. We are all gods here on earth. We just have to take our Power back. They took it from us, they hid it, they dumbed us down, they did all kinds of things to us, but the power has always been in us; we just didn’t know it. I didn’t know it. Maybe some of you did, you know, the ones that go to church all the time, who read their Bibles every day, saw something that I didn’t see when I read the Bible. I got some things when I read it; I got a lot of things; but there’s a whole hell of a lot of other things that I didn’t get, that’s not in that Bible. Some people get mad about that fact, you know? But I don’t care, it’s a free world, it’s a free country, and I already know what I’m here for, so, I’m going to say what I want to say.
Now, everybody’s got their convictions and beliefs and stuff, things they were raised in that they are going to stick to, and I can’t change it, and I’m not trying to change it. But just like they have their convictions and things that they believe in, I have mine. And mine may not coincide with yours, and yours may not with mine. However, there are so many similarities, so many likenesses. There’s only One GOD, regardless of what you think, regardless of what way you think it takes to get to Him. There’s only one GOD! There’s only one Almighty, Infinite Spirit. And in you is where that Spirit resides. You are gods and goddesses; you just have to look within and seek that. Get it, because the Power is in you, and It’s been in you all of the time. I didn’t even know that! I reflect back on that; how could I have been through all of my life, all of those struggles as a kid, wondering, and never knew that God was inside of me all the time! That I didn’t have to go to church to pray to God or talk to God; I didn’t have to ask the pastor to pray for me, or the preacher man to pray for me or any of that. I didn’t have to wear dresses all of the time. I didn’t have to dress a certain way for God to love me. How could I have not known that?
I remember when I was a little girl, I used to lie down in the bed; and it just used to be, so rough at times! But growing up, I would go to bed and didn’t want to go to school. God, I hated school, and I would never want to go to school the next day. I would lie in that bed and try to dream some good things, and all I would see was black. I couldn’t even envision color or anything nice in my dreams. All I saw was black. Not knowing that they had fucked up my head, my mind, my third eye and all of that. I didn’t know. We were little hood kids, growing up in the ghetto. But I reflect back on that now and wonder how I got through it all. How did I get from that point of not seeing, not knowing anything, only seeing darkness in my mind; I didn’t even have any real imagination of my own; to where I am now? I don’t dream about darkness anymore; I have Light. I don’t follow the crowd anymore; I have my own imagination. I recognize my imagination; It comes from turning from the outside and going within. And a lot of times it takes solitude. I didn’t have a lot of friends growing up; I kept to myself, and I listened to a lot of music. That’s all I did. Then I ended up getting pregnant and that kind of threw things off kilter. But at some point, I got it back together. I always kept a job to take care of my kids though. However, I was always a loner. I mean I partied, but if I partied it was only with one or two other people at the most, and family, a lot. So, it takes solitude to realize the Powers you have within you.
You can’t be around a whole bunch of people all the time. Why would you even want to? When you are around all those people, and I learned this as a kid, you are picking up on their energies. I didn’t know it was “energies” at the time, but I knew that if they felt a certain way, I felt a certain way. But if I was unhappy, no one gave a damn about my unhappiness. But I always empathized, and still do. So, you can’t be around a whole bunch of people; you have to separate yourself sometimes so you can hear God. Like right now as I sit outside, I hear the crickets. I hear them in harmony and unison, sounding as one. I’m not sure what they’re doing, might be mating. I see lightning bugs, June bugs; the ants were over there trying to attack my legs a few minutes ago. But I love it out here and I’d rather sit out here at night, in peace, than to be in the house with artificial air, TVs, lights, and just inside, period. I mean, God is in me, I know that, and I feel more connected to Him when I’m outside. It’s amazing to me.
“I will speak of the glorious honour of thy majesty, and of thy wondrous works.” Psalm 145:5 KJV
We don’t have to look outside of ourselves for God. We don’t have to act a certain way; We don’t have to talk a certain way; We don’t have to perform a certain way in front of the public. All you have to do is be yourself and listen to your heart and look within yourself. Once you see that Love, once you look within, and see all of that Love that you are made of, that you came from, that the world won’t tell you about, and keep making you suppress… all the hardships and all the shit you go through every day, day in and day out, just take an evening and sit outside and talk to God. Even if you don’t think He is listening, talk. Even if you think no one can hear you, talk, because they can hear you. They know. They feel you. There are energies and essences that you can’t see that are invisible that still have an effect on you and your environment, and everything that you are. But you have to call on the Lords of Light; you call on the Children of Light, the Family of Light. You call on the Ones of Love, the Family of Love from whence we come, because that’s where we came from, LOVE. And you call on Them and you ban, banish, and forbid anything dark to enter your thoughts or your world. You ban it! If it comes toward you, you say “No”, because you have that authority. When you close your eyes at night, and you see something coming towards your thoughts, and you already know that “it” is ready to mess with you, tell it, “No, you are not welcomed here. Get back, you’re not welcomed here!” and immediately it will back up. Immediately, it has to! Try it now, I’m telling you!
But yeah, you have that authority over all of these things, you just have to learn your Power. And your Power does not come from outside of you, your Power comes from within you, and that’s all Jesus ever tried to tell us. You can’t mask it and make Him be these things that He was not. He was Jesus; He was a man of God. He was a Master; a Master of Light who came here, probably choosing to do so, to help us or help those during His time to see what they didn’t want to see, like a lot of people don’t want to see today. Now, I’m not Jesus, God knows I’m not Jesus; and I don’t claim to be on His level. But what I claim to know is that I have read, and I have searched further, and I have been through. I know, and I’m telling you. If you don’t believe me, you better research for yourself. It’s more to life than just that one Bible. It’s more to us than what they tell us. It’s more to yourself than what you know. And you have to look within yourself to try and find it, if you want to find your true Power. Your Power does not come from outside of you. It comes from WITHIN YOU!
“Let each one enter into happiness and LOVE of perfect obedience and liberate the great Power of God! If one just lets go of the outer and enters into the inner, every discord lets go at once.” Saint Germain
In 2005 my grandmother died, and I was still going through, still in the same violent relationship I was in, still going through the same nonsense; partying and drinking, the stuff that I had been doing; never giving myself a chance to get over my momma’s death. We had become close, my grandmother and I, and I enjoyed talking to her. I would go to her house and just sit, talk, laugh, and just have a good time with her, you know? I would drop the kids off at school in the morning, then I would go over and sit with her for a while. Not every morning, but most mornings, a few times a week. She was sick for a while and eventually her time came. I didn’t handle that well. I didn’t handle that well at all. I think I may have even drunk more during that time. It was… It was just terrible. At some point I realized that I no longer had anybody that I could trust, that could be my backbone, like my mom or my grandmother. You know, I have aunts and stuff, and my dad was around; and God had placed an angel or two in my path, but they were certainly to be found amongst darkness; however, no one like my mom or grandmother.
I had gotten to the point in the violent relationship, well way before this, but I had gotten to a point in the relationship where I was just tired! It was “fun” at first, a distraction from grief, but you know, shit got real! Shit got real! It started affecting my soul and my Spirit, my life. It wasn’t just the surface issues anymore. It got deep for me. It may not have gotten deep for anybody else, but I realized that I wanted more out of my life, for myself, as well as for my kids. Kids don’t deserve to be placed in such circumstances, but that was something I chose to put them through, unfortunately. But I have forgiven myself for it. As I said before, they have grown up to be responsible adults, so I don’t worry about that anymore. But I had gotten to a point in that relationship where I didn’t like the person anymore, but I had an attachment, I suppose. You know, no matter what went on out in the streets, no matter what went on between us, the state my Spirit was in at that time, I felt like I had a constant, regardless of who or what it was. Like I said, I was still reeling and longing for the love that I knew I was never going to see again; the love I knew I would never get again. I knew I wasn’t getting it from that person, of course not! But I was vulnerable and shit. I had recently ended a relationship before I got with that person, so I knew that once I got out of that relationship, there wasn’t going to be anybody else for a while.
At this point, I’m realizing that my Spirit had been through so much, I had been so damaged and traumatized by so much, that when I ended the relationship, that was going to be it. Whenever me and the dude would argue, I would tell him “If I don’t ever fuck again or have sex with anybody again, I’ll be alright! Because when I’m done with you, I’m fuckin’ done!” But of course, talking to God I said “God, please send me somebody when the time is right.” You know, I did not want to not ever have anybody in my life again, but at the same time I knew that once that was over and done, a break was going to have to ensue. I couldn’t go out there and jump into something else, this and that and the other, because of so much shit that had happened. So much shit had happened! So, I was just getting tired at that point. In 2005, I was just “tide.” I was just “sick” of a lot of things. I was tired of partying, really, but you know I did it because it was habit. It gave me something to do with myself. And of course, I enjoyed drinking, and I enjoyed being around the older “cats.” I enjoyed hanging out with them because we always laughed, we always had a good time; It was fun. It was never anything sexual, no aggression or violence; It was just always fun, and I enjoyed that. I needed that at that time because I didn’t feel like I had anyone close enough to me or around me that was giving me that.
However, in doing that and still working, I knew I was kind of stuck. I wasn’t going to progress, not on the job that I was on, not continuously doing the same shit that I was doing, not being with the person that I was with. I knew I wasn’t going to progress. And something in my heart was gently pushing me and telling me “You need to do something…you need to do something.” But I didn’t know what. I didn’t know what to do; You know, I didn’t know! I couldn’t move anywhere, there was nowhere I could go without having to be a burden to somebody else, with me and my kids. And there was a many a time, a many a day, that I wished my mom was still around so that I could go home to her. But she wasn’t, and I had nowhere to go. So, I had to stay where I was, even though something within me was telling me, and pushing me somewhere, though I wasn’t quite sure where.
“Be still and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10 KJV”
The Mark Of God: Conversations with Win, 2016-2017
The Mark Of God: Understanding Your "I AM Presence" 